IT HARDLY MATTERS Back to Main Index Browse the Archives	Saturday, August 30, 2003 ( 02:29 PM ) I just walked into my bathroom and the sight I beheld made me scream: "OH MY GOD YOSHI!!! WHAT'S GOING ON???" You see, Megan decided to give him a BATH! Without telling me! Then he tried to escape but Megan held him in the water. She didn't tell me about the bath because he was all calm and enjoying the wash until I showed up. Tuesday, August 26, 2003 ( 11:41 PM ) Every once in awhile, I have one of those days where I catch girls taking long looks at me. Not necessarily staring, but lasting glances. Today was one of those days. All the checking out invariably leads me to think that I am one motherfucking hott sexxxy man, or conversely, that I have a leaf stuck in my hair or a bird has crapped on my shoulder. Monday, August 25, 2003 ( 12:46 AM ) I've always maintained that 1994 was an incredible year (except for that whole Kurt Cobain suicide thing), and as proof I offer this list of albums released during that year. Saturday, August 23, 2003 ( 10:39 PM ) Internet Celebrity Sighting of the Day: Summer of Indierocket at the Sunset Junction Bates Stage, just before the Muffs set. Yesterday's UnCelebrity Sighting of the Day: Ryan Dusick, drummer for Kara's Flowers Maroon 5, driving in his car on La Cienega. This is the second time I've seen him driving. No shit. Wednesday, August 20, 2003 ( 11:14 PM ) Best smell of the day: Stopped in traffic outside of the See's Candy Main Office & Kitchen on La Cienega. Nothing but chocolate. ( 10:25 PM ) I saw my first Join Arnold commercial on the telly tonight. It was completely surreal. The experience, that is. Not the commercial. ( 09:54 PM ) "Young Frankenstein is the funniest black and white movie of all time -- even funnier than Schindler's List." - Michael Ian Black, on I Love the '70s Tuesday, August 19, 2003 ( 10:54 PM ) Dream journal entry of the day: Last night my dreams didn't have a linear storyline. Now, I don't really remember anything that happened in my dream, although I do remember thinking to myself while I was dreaming how all of my dreams were just little discrete events that were independent of each other. Is there a term for that? For consciously talking to yourself while dreaming? ( 10:50 PM ) The two things that Yoshi does in the morning that drive me absolutely insane are running along the windowsill through the vertical blinds making a thwapp-thwapp-thwapping sound and pushing items (namely, pocket change) along my desk (quite noisy) over the edge onto the floor. Whenever he does these things, I typically jump out of bed and chase him away so that I can get whatever sleep I can. I always feed him and Claire when my alarm goes off at 8. Never before that. They'd gotten pretty adept at realizing that the alarm clock is a great signal that food is on the way. For example: alarm goes off, and then there are suddenly two cats crawling on my bed excitedly waiting for me to get up and walk to the kitchen. In recent months, however, Yoshi has gotten really really whiny in the mornings. Waiting for the clock is no longer enough for him. There have been times at 7:30 when he meows and meows and I tell him to shut the hell up. This morning, he tried something new. He knocked my cell phone off the desk in hopes I would wake up and feed him. How do I know it was a ploy to get me out of bed? He's NEVER knocked my cell phone off before. In fact, he's never knocked anything that heavy off in his entire life. Tricky little bastard! Realizing it was all a ruse, I stayed in bed and pretended to sleep. Monday, August 18, 2003 ( 03:49 PM ) SWAT hand signals explained. I still need to go see that movie. ( 03:35 PM ) Last night I dreamed Adam Duritz worked at the Honda Service Department where I take my car to get serviced. He was totally stoked because Journey's Greatest Hits album was one of the top 5 greatest albums of all time according to some VH-1 countdown show. I did not find it odd that he worked there, because I remember thinking "Well, he's gotta do something in between releasing albums!" I didn't have my car with me, funnily enough. I then borrowed the key to the bathroom but it took me like two hours to find it because they moved it into a nearby mall, and when I got back the shop was closed. It was a pretty cool dream, and thankfully it did not involve chewing glass. Sunday, August 17, 2003 ( 11:46 PM ) One of the most common events in my dreams is that I am chewing glass. For example, last night I dreamed I was in 8th grade again and I was playing basketball and at the same time I was chewing glass. Not very enjoyable at all. I think it has something to do with how I grind my teeth while I sleep. Wednesday, August 13, 2003 ( 12:59 PM ) The 12-year-old's translation of the Gettysburg Address (from Metafilter): FOURSCORA AND SEV3N YAARS AGO OUR FATH3RS BROUGHT FORTH ON THIS CONTIENNT A NU NATION CONC3IEVD IN LIEBRTY AND DADICAETD 2 TEH PROPOSITION TAHT AL MEN R CREAETD EQUAL11!!!1! WTF LOL NOW W3 R 3NGAEGD IN A GREAT CIVIL WAR TESTNG WHATHER TAHT NATION OR ANY NATION SO CONCAIEVD AND SO DADICAETD CAN LONG ENDURE!1!1! WE R MET ON A GREAT BATLAFEILD OF TAHT WAR1!!11 OMG WTF LOL WE HAEV COME 2 DADICAET A PORTION OF TAHT FEILD AS A FINAL RESTNG-PLAEC FOR THOSE WHO H3R3 GAEV THERE LIEVS TAHT TAHT NATION MIGHT LIEV!!1!11 WTF IT IS AL2G3THAR FITNG AND PROP3R TAHT WE SHUD DO THIS1!!!111 LOL BUT IN A LARGAR S3NSA WA CANOT D3DICAET WA CANOT CONSECRAET WA CANOT HALOW THIS GROUND1!!111 WTF LOL TEH BRAEV M3N LIVNG AND DAAD WHO STRUGLED HARE HAEV CONSECRAETD IT FAR ABOVE OUR POR POWER 2 AD OR DETRACT1!11!! WTF TEH WORLD WIL LITLE NOTE NOR LONG REMEMBR WUT WE SAY HAR3 BUT IT CAN NEVER FORGET WT DID HERE1!111 OMG WTF LOL IT IS FOR US DA LIVNG RATH3R 2 B D3DICAETD HERE 2 TEH UNFINISHAD WORK WHICH TH3Y WHO FOUGHT HER3 HAEV THUS FAR SO NOBLY ADVANCED1!1!1!!1 LOL IT IS RATHER FOR US 2 B HARA D3DICAETD 2 TEH GREAT TASK R3MANENG BFOR3 US-TAHT FROM THASE HONOR3D DAAD WE TAEK INCRAAESD DEVOTION 2 TAHT CAUSE FOR WHICH THEY GAEV DA LAST FUL MEASURE OF DAVOTION-TAHT W3 H3RA HIGHLY R3SOLVA TAHT TH3SE D3AD SHAL NOT HAEV DEID IN VANE TAHT THIS NATION UND3R GOD SHAL HAEV A NU BIRTH OF FREDOM AND TAHT GOVERNMENT OF TEH PEOPL3 BY TEH PAOPLE FOR TEH PEOPL3 SHAL NOT PARISH FROM DA AARTH1!!!!1 OMG LOL Monday, August 11, 2003 ( 11:32 AM ) "I fucking HATE guard dogs!" - The Mole, South Park ( 11:23 AM ) When I got up from the desk to go check the mail, three vertebrae and my knee all simultaneously popped in that gentle "thanks, we really needed a stretch" kind of way. Sunday, August 10, 2003 ( 02:20 PM ) Over the past couple of years, I'd grown completely disgusted with Dashboard Confessional. From the emotional hypersensitivity to the fanbase consisting of more and more frat boys. But curse Amoeba for having a promo copy of their new album for me to buy today. And I did. And damn it is a good album. But they still win for most pretentious album title of the new millenium. Friday, August 8, 2003 ( 12:07 PM ) I smell something burning. Like plastic. Or hair. That can't be good. ( 12:01 PM ) Okay. Shots HURT. That's why I never liked getting them when I was young. Today's shot bled all over my arm and the nurse replaced the first bandage she put on it before I even got off the table. But it's a small price to pay for not getting Hepatitis, I guess. Sheesh, I'm sleepy. ( 11:53 AM ) I don't know what's been up with the weather this week, but lately there has been a notable decrease in the amount of smog up in the air. It's great. And brighter out. Wednesday, August 6, 2003 ( 11:52 PM ) From the very beginning, I have been opposed to the whole idea of a California recall vote. But now that it is happening for real, I have a giant decision to make. On the one hand, I don't think that the Republicans should get away with what they've done. A recall vote is not what a democracy is based on. (It's based on the votes we cast during the regular election, you pro-recall assholes. And Issa, I'm on to how much of a fucking goon you are.) But on the other hand, how can I not vote for Arnold? He brought me so much joy as a child. There wasn't a single action movie that he made during the '80s that my father and I didn't attend as a father-son bonding outing. And of course, does anyone remember Letterman's Top Ten Ways The Country Would Be Different If Arnold Schwarzenegger Were President? People have been waiting for this day for a long time. My favorite selection: 3. President blows up Congress, then mutters "Veto, you bastards" Tuesday, August 5, 2003 ( 11:54 PM ) "At that restaurant, I beat up the bathroom. I'm sorry." - Punch Drunk Love ( 11:51 PM ) I should order more stuff from Amazon.com. I just love getting packages at work. Monday, August 4, 2003 ( 11:19 PM ) So this is a verse from a children's song: There was an old man named Michael Finnegan He grew fat and then grew thin again Then he died and had to begin again Poor old Michael Finnegan Apparently, it's a song about one man's nightmarish battle with yo-yo dieting, complicated by the relentless cycle of reincarnation. Friday, August 1, 2003 ( 03:09 PM ) daktaris: arnold will officially announce his recall involvement tonight on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno DocPenfold: how do you know daktaris: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20030801/ap_on_el_gu/davis_recall_41 daktaris: arnold is going to be the Running Man that will Terminate the deficit on a Total Recall daktaris: oh wait i used that line on you