IT HARDLY MATTERS Back to Main Index Browse the Archives	Tuesday, May 31, 2005 ( 01:43 AM ) Cheney offended by Amnesty criticism Rights group accuses U.S. of violations at Guantanamo Bay Tuesday, May 31, 2005 Posted: 1:10 AM EDT (0510 GMT) WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday he was offended by Amnesty International's condemnation of the United States for what it called "serious human rights violations" at Guantanamo Bay. "For Amnesty International to suggest that somehow the United States is a violator of human rights, I frankly just don't take them seriously," he said in an interview that aired Monday night on CNN's "Larry King Live." Okay, first: Did he just use a sentence fragment? "For Amnesty International to suggest that somehow the United States is a violator of human rights" what? You can try these: A) "...is completely ludicrous!" B) "...like that really steams me!!" C) "...is somewhat of an accurate accusation, seeing as how Michael Bay still gets to make movies!!" Second: We're not idiots. We've all seen 24, we know how you get your intel! "I think the fact of the matter is, the United States has done more to advance the cause of freedom, has liberated more people from tyranny over the course of the 20th century and up to the present day than any other nation in the history of the world," he said. "Just in this administration, we've liberated 50 million people from the Taliban in Afghanistan and from Saddam Hussein in Iraq, two terribly repressive regimes that slaughtered hundreds of thousands of their own people." It's kinda like saying someone isn't an asshole because he helped out with the Special Olympics one time in the '80s. Sure, he did something that is admirable, but that doesn't absolve him of all of the wrongs he's responsible for. "But if you trace those back, in nearly every case, it turns out to come from somebody who has been inside and been released...to their home country..." I really hope he is not implying that there isn't anything fishy going on at Guantanamo Bay because there are actually people who have been released in the first place. In summary: Would I be angry if I found out there were terrible, inhumane things going on at the GB? Probably not. Would I even be surprised? Not at all. Just don't lie to me about it, dick. I mean, Dick. Sunday, May 29, 2005 ( 05:44 PM ) I totally did not intend to redesign this here blog when I sat down at my computer around 2:30. It just somehow worked itself out in a moment of inspiration. But I love my work! Wooo! There be a thunderstorm comin' in, I just heard it! Saturday, May 28, 2005 ( 03:44 PM ) Big Ben's Silence Baffles Engineers By THOMAS WAGNER, Associated Press Writer Sat May 28, 9:27 AM ET LONDON - Big Ben, the landmark London clock renowned for its accuracy and chimes, stopped ticking for 90 minutes, an engineer said Saturday. Officials do not know why the 147-year-old clock on the banks of the River Thames stopped at 10:07 p.m. Friday. It resumed keeping time, but stalled again at 10:20 p.m. and remained still for about 90 minutes before starting up again, a spokeswoman for the House of Commons said on condition of anonymity, citing government policy. I think I might have an explanation: THE THING IS 147 YEARS OLD!!! Friday, May 27, 2005 ( 12:01 AM ) From C. Monks: A Photo of a Work of Art that Both Celebrates and Mocks the Homeless Wednesday, May 25, 2005 ( 10:13 AM ) From CNN.com: Aren't you supposed to wait until the guy gets totally plastered and passes out before doing this to him? Seriously, though. WTF? Tuesday, May 24, 2005 ( 05:54 PM ) From CNN.com: The House Tuesday debated a controversial bill that would expand public funding for embryonic stem cell research, a measure President Bush last week threatened to veto. Bush says he will not use "taxpayers' money to promote science which destroys life in order to save life." Supporters of the bill say it applies to embryos that would never be used to create babies, and it includes ethical limits. Bush, though, is extremely comfortable with using taxpayers' money to promote war which destroys life in order to save life! Busted!! And if there's no one to support stem cell research, how are we ever going to grow our own Shakey's Pizza?? Monday, May 23, 2005 ( 01:43 AM ) I'm always amazed at the sheer amount of time that I can sit at my computer and not accomplish much at all, but it kinda makes sense because all I really do is listen to music. Sunday, May 22, 2005 ( 01:58 PM ) Holy crap, it's only May but summer has already started in Austin! Yesterday it got up to 97, not counting what it really felt like because of the humidity. Should be somewhere around the same today. We actually had to turn on the air conditioner yesterday. All I have to say about the weather situation is: MORE HUMIDITY!!! Wednesday, May 18, 2005 ( 02:25 PM ) "Look! You don't get it! You're wasting coffee!" Easily my most favorite SNL sketch of all time. ( 02:02 PM ) From the Onion: Paroled Prisoner Excited To Hear The '80s Are Back BLYTHE, CA—Former Chuckawalla Valley State Prison inmate Jake Allen Dupree, 42, who completed a 20-year sentence for armed robbery last Friday, said he is excited to hear that '80s styles are experiencing a resurgence in popularity. "When the guard handed me my stuff, he said my acid-wash jeans, Kangaroos sneakers, and bright teal T-shirt looked really cool," Dupree said. "It's great that I won't have to buy a new wardrobe." Dupree added that he was happy to hear that Miami Vice was recently re-released, so he can find out what happened to Crockett and Tubbs. Saturday, May 14, 2005 ( 05:17 PM ) So I went ahead and Google Mapped my zip code (78731) and the word "brothel" and the #1 hit was the LBJ Library. Fittingly, SXSW and the Austin Film Festival were also linked!! Quickie Google Search Lays Out "Brothels" By Gregg Keizer Thu May 12, 2:40 PM ET What do the University of Oregon's history department in Eugene, Ore.; the Happy Ending bar in Manhattan; and the Abstinence Clearinghouse in Sioux Falls, S.D. have in common? According to Google Maps, the for-free location and driving instructions service that the San Francisco-based search giant operates, all are identified as houses of ill repute. American users who enter their Zip codes in the search field at Google Maps, then type in "brothel" (without the quotation marks) are shown a map with various business and organizations identified as, yes, bordellos. Wednesday, May 11, 2005 ( 03:24 PM ) Awesome Scavenger Sighting of the Day: Driving down the road, I saw a vulture (yeah, urban vultures in Austin!) feasting on a recently deceased squirrel. It was tugging on/pulling out/chowing down on the rodent's large intestine like it was mozarella cheese from a pizza, or, if you prefer, a spaghetti noodle in Lady & the Tramp. Crazy bastard wasn't even phased by the cars passing by. That, friends, is what being a vulture is all about. Monday, May 9, 2005 ( 09:06 PM ) I read some spoilers about the Serenity movie. Total bummer. Sunday, May 8, 2005 ( 03:43 PM ) Phile Dork You scored 86%! You love The X Files. And you know your shit. And you are obsessed. But not scarily so. You still have a firm grasp on reality. Or maybe you just started watching the show too late or stopped watching too soon to know all of the answers. Either way your knowledge is still impressive and you are a true Phile. Message me, we should talk. My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Phile Points Link: The X Files Dork Test written by nerbieQpants on Ok Cupid Saturday, May 7, 2005 ( 10:57 AM ) I have to say that I am proud that UT students have the audacity to stir the pot a little. A burning question in my mind, though, is what where "several children under the age of ten" doing at the talk??? I don't think there can be anything more boring to a child than going to a political discussion! Seriously. I would even go so far as to say it consitutes child abuse. You might as well have locked them in a dark closet for two hours. Go ahead and put those parents in jail while you're at it. But it wasn't all for naught, though. The dude got a Blondie CD out of it. Friday, May 6, 2005 ( 03:50 PM ) From CNN.com: Judge blocks Maryland sex-ed program Friday, May 6, 2005 Posted: 9:52 AM EDT (1352 GMT) GREENBELT, Maryland (AP) -- A federal judge on Thursday blocked a county school system from instituting a health curriculum that includes discussions of homosexuality. U.S. District Judge Alexander Williams agreed with two groups that sued contending such discussions gave preference of religions that are tolerant of homosexuality over those that reject it. After all is said and done, all Judge Williams did was give preference to one religion over the other. Basically, he didn't do shit. Way to go, Judge! And what about all the students who won't have the benefit of the video presentation featuring how to put on a condom using a cucumber as a reference? Well, I guess they'll just have to use the internet to find these things out. Thursday, May 5, 2005 ( 12:02 PM ) From the Onion: Rapidly Swelling Man May Contain Traces Of Peanuts PENSACOLA, FL—Lance Kiser, the host at the Erewan Thai restaurant, informed fellow employees Monday that the bloated, choking man at table four may contain trace amounts of peanuts. "Warning: The dark-haired businessman who very suddenly began experiencing shortness of breath, confusion, and slurred speech may contain trace amounts of peanuts," Kiser said. "He definitely ate a plate of chicken curry prepared in the same facility as dishes containing peanuts and/or other nuts." The purple-faced, swelling man declined comment. ( 11:58 AM ) "We're going to catch the world in the headlights of my justice." - Stephen Colbert I wonder, will his new show feature the famous motto, "The T is silent, bitch!" Wednesday, May 4, 2005 ( 09:43 AM ) From the AP: Morning News Shows Should Seek Freshness By FRAZIER MOORE, AP Television Writer 1 hour, 54 minutes ago NEW YORK - Answer me this: Why won't any TV network create a wake-up program I can get up for? The answer, Frazier Moore, is that you need to stop being a lazy piece of crap and get up to do something else besides watch TV in the morning!! Damn journalists, got nothing better to do than bitch about how there's nothing good on the telly. ( 09:27 AM ) Today is my final exam for my class Understanding and Treatment of Autism and for it I will have to compose three essays based on questions that Dr. O'Reilly graciously gave us last week (for the benefit of international students who speak English as a second language). I planned them out over the weekend but this morning I woke up and decided that I should overhaul one of my answers so that's what I just did. I tossed out one entire section and replaced it with something else. Why? Because I'm smart, that's why. Or incredibly foolish. Is there really a difference between the two, anyhow? Monday, May 2, 2005 ( 08:03 PM ) Alright gang, this is the last couple of weeks of the semester which means I have two exams this week, an online quiz to take by Sunday night, and a paper due by next Thursday. Then I'll be starting work on my Masters thesis right away and I have a summer school class coming up in July (wait, that's awhile from now). Big money, no whammies!