Sunday, 26 December 1999

As I told Susannah yesterday, one of my New Year's goals is to no longer be the victim of unrequited love. I've used up so much of my energy on a relationship that only hurts me and it's about time, once and for all, that I get my act together. The future is there for the taking. All I have to do is reach out for it.

When I look back upon this winter vacation, I find that although I experienced a great deal of misery at the hands of the person I care for the most, I've had an incredible time here. I almost don't want to leave. It's been great seeing old pals and friends that have all but disappeared from my life. Johnny came out from New Orleans, Steve visited from Boston, and Martha (or as Cami likes to call her in a Brooklyn accent, "Mawtha") was in town from Sacto. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get to see Will's baby boy, and a beloved friend from days of old named Emily is having dinner with me tomorrow night. A real treat was seeing Jackie and Amber tonight at the Brewery. This probably means nothing to you out there in the world outside of Burlingame, but for me this is heaven. Hanging out with these people and others has filled me with a love that's indescribable. It's good to know that even if I don't see someone for two or even three years, they are still the same great person I remember them being. They still make me smile and laugh the way they've always done. Unfortunately, time and space have been barriers between us. I know that I can't be with every single one of my friends all the time, and I guess that's what makes the little moments that we do share all the more special.

Hell -- seeing Sam single-handedly made this trip worth it.

However, I am anxious to get back to LA - back to work (yes, it's true), back to the sun, back to Joey, back to an empty apartment, back to the life I've spent years building. I know there shouldn't be a distinction between a Northern California life and a SoCal life, but I'm tired right now and really just ranting. 

Speaking of New Year's goals: If there's one unrealistic thing that I would love to happen in the new year, it would be for a pretty lesbian I know to fall for me. That would be wonderful. But I won't lose any sleep over it until then.

Friday, 24 December 1999

And I know I shouldn't let it get me down
But it's such a heartbreak to get around

Twenty-five minutes until Christmas. But this year it's not as magical as it's been in the past. That's life, and that's the way it is. I hung out with Trish yesterday and this morning, and it went well except for a couple of things I won't go into now. I should've known better, but I won't take all the blame.

A bright part of my day was spending time with Sam. It must have been at least a year since I'd seen him last. We went over to Berkeley and caused some mischief. He is always a blast to be with. I bought Low's Christmas album, and not a moment too late. Simply beautiful. I have it to keep me company on this quiet night.

Tomorrow's the big day, and I hope it's a lovely one for you. Even if you're not a Christian. If the birth of baby Jesus isn't your reason for celebrating, just realize that it's a holiday about love. For your family, friends, and especially for being alive. Cheers, and I'll see you soon.





Your love is like a book left unopened.
It would be so easy to fall for a girl like you.


Wednesday, 22 December 1999

Season's greetings from the Bay Area, my friends. I drove into town on Monday and have had a great two days here so far.  So many things to tell you about, yet so little time.

I finally finished finals, and not a moment too soon. As I told Susannah, I could hear little snap, crackles, and pops going off in my brain. To quote Mr. Durst, "Thank God it's over."

The weather here in California is remarkable. Last Friday it was somewhere in the 80s in LA. I came back to Burlingame expecting the usual clouds and low temperatures that winter brings, but it's springtime here. Yay. Everyone should move out to California. Thing is, though, that weather like this means drought in the near future.

The one thing I realize about the Bay Area is how close to nature the region is. Nights here in Burlingame and Hillsborough have been breath-taking because of the full moon. With no city lights to drown out its light, the houses and trees and streets glow a soft blue that is simply glorious. And yesterday, I stood overlooking the canyon that is my backyard as the sun set. Trees are the most beautiful objects during a sunset...the leaves actually shine, contrasted against the shadows formed by the sun. It was so quiet out, it made me realize how nice the suburbs can be.

I've spent the majority of these past two days shopping for presents. Yesterday I spent with Cami, and today I went out with Julia and Annie. Got most of it done, too. 

Tonight I saw Mark Eitzel play at the Great American Music Hall. Yet another wonderful evening with the greatest musician of my time. Except for "Steve I Always Knew" and "Blue & Grey Shirt", he played entirely new songs. This was the fourth time I've seen him live, and every time is a treat. Hopefully I'll be at his show in LA in January.

Last night was just as great. I had dinner with my old friend from UCLA, the always-lovely Rachel. She's working in Walnut Creek as the Director of Social Welfare at a convalescent hospital. I drove over to Oakland and we shared at pizza at Zachary's. It was one of the most incredible pizzas I'd ever had. It was so good that Dale wanted me to bring him one back. Anyways, I really enjoyed spending time with Rachel. We talked and talked and I lost all track of time. I haven't been able to do that with anyone lately...I've been so damn busy. It was nice to be able to talk so smoothly and with such ease with someone. She's a gem.

As we were saying bye for the evening, I told her that we should hang out during spring break. She said it's weird that the next time we'll see each other will be in a new millennium. Then she added, unless the world ended first. I told her if that was the case, then I'd see her in heaven.

Well, that's it for now. Don't know if I'll be talking with you any time soon, so have a beautiful Christmas. If you're feeling lonely, just go outside, look at the moon, and know that I'm underneath the same one thinking of you.